girly girl

this year i will turn 40. i have three sisters. i am number two. when we were kids we used to watch our mom do her nails, tease her hair and put on make-up (including fake eyelashes when she was going to a dinner party with my dad). she wore heels and cared about how she looked. you’d think i’d be a shoe-in for girliness, but that was not me. i was awkward and shy. i did not like to draw attention to myself. i couldn’t put together a fashionable outfit. i frustrated my mom with it: is that what you’re going to wear? can you take that bobby pin out of your hair? you look so young. why don’t you put something nicer on?

i’ve always looked younger than my age (i have a round face AND i’m asian) but now i’m starting to want to hold onto looking young. my husband always said it was a compliment to be mistaken for being younger. i found a white hair last fall. gr1 and gr2 exclaimed: oh mom, it’s silver and it’s so pretty! they are too kind. i’m growing my hair these days. and the strange thing about it is i like to put it up. i’ve watched youtube videos of girls and young women who are probably half my age and then some giving me a tutorial on how to style my hair. i am only now discovering that it is fun. i want to dress up nicely with some (low) heels, but not all the time. mid life crisis? i don’t think so. starting to use moisturizer? yes, i realized in 2006 i should help my cause. i even bought lip gloss and eyeliner recently. i’ve used the lip gloss once and have yet to break open the eyeliner. perhaps another tutorial on youtube would help. i want to and i don’t want to care about how i look. it’s not a contest or a race. my self discovery is not on a time schedule. a sort of girly-girl at 40 doesn’t seem far off the mark for me. i’m ok with that.

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