mom

my mom was in my dream the other night and it was like she was a part of my everyday. then i woke up and realized it was just a dream. someone once told me that when she’s in my dream she’s visiting me, letting me know she’s ok. that is comforting because i miss her.

if i let myself think about it too long i really miss her. she was such a tough lady. she was overprotective and didn’t trust people right away. at the same time she was always giving and she gave us a lot–a lot of herself and all that she did. as we all got older it was hard for her to figure out what she wanted in her own life, separate from what we were doing. that’s around the time she had early signs of ALS. she past away seven years ago due to complications from ALS. her muscles deteriorated over many years which is rare for this untreatable disease.

my husband used to think it was strange when we were in college and i would call my mom every few days. he didn’t call his mom much then. it seemed natural to chat and talk with my mom. after i got married and moved away i’d call with cooking questions. after i had children she gave me support and checked in on us and made sure we were doing ok. knowing that she was a phone call away was a relief. she got to know gr1. she met gr2 before she past away. gr3 missed meeting her though i talk about memories of my mom with them often–what she did or did not let me do or funny stories growing up.

my mom. she loved the color yellow. she loved flowers. our house had floral wallpaper and floral arrangements on tables. she grew beautiful pink peonies in the backyard. she loved to go shopping. she loved a good deal. she could bargain like nobody’s business. she could remember how much everything cost. i’m serious, everything. she loved salisbury steak with peas (her favorite thing to eat when she first moved to the states and lived in allentown, pa). she had lladro figurines all over the house. she collected swarowski crystals and elephant figurines with their trunks up. she loved jewelry and judith leiber purses. she was a fan of loehmann’s and portillo’s hot dogs. she loved her day and evening dramas on tv. we’d watch them with her too. she always carried some candy in her purse–breath mints or juicy fruit gum. she loved to decorate our home. she’d drop off mc donald’s for lunch at school–that was the coolest treat. she’d curl our bangs on sundays before church. she liked to fry all sorts of food. she listened to french and italian language cassette tapes from the library before my parents took my sisters and i to paris and all over italy. she helped me study in third grade when i got a “D” in social studies on my report card. if i was sick, her being there and resting her hand on my forehead was the most comforting feeling. she made me feel better. she wanted good things for my sisters and i. she believed in us.

ah, mom. i love you. thank you for being my mom. you’re just a dream away.

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